Who is the author of your book?

My friend Sarah just posted this as (part of) her Facebook status:

 Logan says to me today "Who is the author of your book?" I replied with his name; then he says "who is the illustrator?"

So here I sit, stuck in thought.  You see, I got all tangled up right there in that first question, "Who is the author of your book?"

 Who is the author of your book? 

This is, unfortunately a question that doesn't cross my mind very often.  I mean, I have hundreds, maybe even thousands, of books in my house.  No exaggeration.  In fact, were it not for all those books, I would probably have room to put in a second bathroom.  That's not the kind of book I'm stuck in, though.  

I'm stuck in MY book.  MY story.  Stuck wondering who is really the author.  I want to say that God is my author.  I want to say that MY book is a biography.  You know, a book someone else is writing about me.  (A good one, too, with lots and lots of humor, great attitudes, tons of friendliness, and a taste of grace and mercy thrown in where it's needed.)  

The thing is, though, that I'm afraid my book's often a bit more of an autobiography.  You know, a book about me.  One I'm writing myself.  A lousy one, that no one will ever read.  A disappointing, sorry excuse for a story.

It's true, though.  I want to hand over the pen.  I want to let God write my story.  The WHOLE thing.  Oh, He's already written the introduction.  And I know he's already written the epilogue.  But all those chapters in between?  Well, we've been fighting over authorship for quite some time now.  Maybe forever.  But that's not what I want.  I want to just let go.  I want to just let God write the whole story.

The illustrator, though?  I think that's all me.  You see, I think it's okay if I do some of the fancy work.  Some of the handiwork.  In fact, I think God wants me to get down and dirty, to pull out the water colors and markers and chalk and make my story beautiful.  I'm pretty sure that's what He had in mind when he started writing my story.

Who is the author of YOUR book? 

Lord, I'm done fighting over who is going to write my story.  The pen is yours.  Take it.  Write my story.  I'll be here with my paints and markers, ready to make the pages beautiful and add my own little spin, but I'd like for you to take over the writing.  I'm sorry for all the times I've taken the pen from you.  I'm sorry for all the times I've tried to write my own chapters.  Thank you for always knowing what you've got in mind for the next page, though.  The next one, and every one after that, is yours.  Write away, Lord, write away!

  

 

College

See that guy up there in that picture?  Yeah, the one that is dancing with a girl that looks remarkably like me, only much skinnier.  I want to tell you a little about that guy.

He's getting ready to start his senior year of college.  He's (obviously) just married his high school sweetheart after 4 1/2 years of dating.  He's full of life.  He's happy.  He's following what he believes to be God's will for his life.  Aside from making sure he gets to the airport on time tomorrow morning so he can take his new bride to Mexico, he hasn't a care in the world!  Life is easy peasy!

Now I want to tell you a little bit about THIS guy.  It's a little hard to see in because this picture's a little further away, but he looks remarkably like that other guy...but with more facial hair.  

He's getting ready to start his senior year of college.  (Okay, he started last week.)  He's still married to his high school sweetheart, after 7 1/2 years.  If you're counting, that's 11 years together.  He's full of life.  He's happy.  He's following what he believes to be God's will for his life.

~~

I know, I know.  I just told you the same story twice.  But I noticed this morning that I have spent hours and hours talking about my children and barely a minute talking about my husband!  

Life's hit us pretty hard these last few years.  That's right: even for Christians, life isn't always easy.  Life isn't always "fair."  When we got married 7 1/2 years ago, we had it all worked out.  We had a perfect plan.  We'd be a cute "little" family with 12 kids (or so he thought), he'd take a church as a youth pastor, and we'd live someplace for years and years, even retire there.

LIFE happened.  He graduated from college and we moved to a tiny town where he took over as youth pastor at a nice little church.  We'd just been married a year when we lost our first baby, Bailey.  We found out we were pregnant with Little Lou and he lost his job.  We moved to another state where we lived with my parents for 15 months.  We moved into our own home and sent another angel baby to Heaven.  More lost jobs.  Bugsy was born with severe physical deformities and delays.  Surgeries.  More surgeries.  And then Stinky came along.  

My husband has been struggling with where he fits.  He's been praying...we've been praying...that God would reveal His will and his path.  Somewhere along the line, my husband realized that, while God's not calling him AWAY from ministry, he's being called to pursue additional pathways as well.  We've prayed that things will work out so that my husband can provide for our family and I can stay home and raise them, and He has!

My husband realized last fall that he needed to go back to school.  He's had a desire since high school (if not earlier) to pursue a career in the field of biology.  God called him into ministry, so my husband left his degree in biology, moved across the country, and followed that call.  He's still called to youth ministry.  He still wants nothing more than to be a youth pastor.  But he is also realizing that the drive to be a biologist has never left him, so he's back in school pursuing that dream!  You can't imagine how proud I am of him!

College, even a week of it, has brought my husband a little bit closer to the care-free boy he was 7 years ago.  I've been mesmerized as I've watched the last week unfold before us.  College looks good on you, Buddy!

~~

When I think about my husband and the things he's been through, the things he's going through, and how far he's come in the last WEEK, it makes me realize more and more that God's plan for our lives is ever-changing.  Just when we think we think we have it all figured out, the tables often turn and we're thrown for a loop.  Is God faithful?  Absolutely.  Does he provide?  100%.  Does he give us the desires of our hearts?  If we're faithful!  But what we set out to do from the beginning isn't always-isn't OFTEN-where we end up.  We're leaning on God and trusting that His ultimate plan is being worked in and through us.  It's ever morphing and changing, and we're glad to be along for the ride!

~~

(Oh, and don't tell my husband, but I am head-over-heals in love with that college boy up there in the picture!)