I fell into bed, exhausted, several hours later than I probably should have gone to bed. My hubby tried to tell me good night, and I burst into tears over the type of parents we've become and what I don't like about the way the family runs. When I was done, he fell asleep. I did not. I laid awake for nearly an hour before I got myself out of bed, sat myself down at the kitchen table, and gave myself a time out. You know, an "old-school" time out where you have to write sentences. My sentences were about what I am doing wrong and what I intend to do to fix the problems. Three pages, college ruled, single-spaced, of monologue about my disastrous parenting skills spilled forth.
One of my biggest decisions involved TV time. Unfortunately, the television has been overused (by everyone) at my house for quite some time. Not just TV time, either--screen time in general. My kids didn't play with their toys because they didn't have to. I didn't get everything I needed to done because I didn't "have time" by the time I finished my computer "work." My hubby and I didn't have a spare moment to spend together in the evenings because there was so much "to do" on the computer/TV/ipad/wii/ipod... Hence, a new rule was born. It's a mommy-mandated rule, but I've (mostly) stuck to it. The rule, now, is that the television can come on after lunch, for the length of one movie. This is silent rest time. No talking. That's the length of our entire screen time. If you want to play on the computer, the wii, the gameboy, etc, you have to do it during that time (myself included). Right now, for instance, we're "watching" Bolt. They're watching, I'm here with you all. We're all...adjusting.
Now, about those rules! We have a lot of rules at our house. I'm sure you do too. I think sometimes it's hard to keep all the rules straight. There are house rules and car rules and playground rules. There are dinner table rules, which aren't always the same as the lunch table rules. It's rules rules rules around here, with no real rhyme or reason, sometimes. I decided we needed some rules. Clearly defined rules. Rules we all agree on. So, Thursday evening, as we were making dinner, we talked about rules. We sat as a family and made rules. Mommy and daddy definitely took advantage of "veto power." Mommy and daddy added a few rules of our own. So here it is--the final list:
Walking Feet in the House
Only Food Goes in your Mouth
No tantrums
No yelling
No whining
Brush your teeth every day
Listen to Mommy and Daddy--the FIRST time
Clean underwear every day
Exercise every day
Hands and feet to youreself
Clean your room every day
Once the rules were written and posted, we all signed a paper, which was also posted on the wall. The rules are right there, in plain view, for all of us to see. Are there other incidental rules? Yes. We couldn't list everything...things like "couches are for sitting" are kind of a given anymore. But we listed the 11 rules we could all agree on. Since the kids helped create the list, it should be easier for them to follow them, right??
Just in case, though, we've come up with an incentive plan. Today I painted our names onto 6 jars...one for each family member and one that says, "Everyone." Hubby's bringing home 5 rolls of quarters. Each of us will start with a full roll of quarters in our jar. (Everyone but Stinky, who will start with half a roll. The other half of his roll will go in the "everyone" jar.) IF (when) one of us breaks a rule, we'll take a quarter out of our own jar and put it into the jar of the person we've "wronged." For instance, say Little Lou yells at Bugsy...She will take a quarter from her own jar and put it into his jar. If, in turn, Bugs hits Little Lou, he'll give her a quarter. IF we break a rule that doesn't effect another person--say, for instance, I forget to exercise one day, hurting myself but no one else--that person would take a quarter out of his own jar and put it in the "everyone" jar. The "everyone" jar will then be used for EXTRA incentive! For example, if Little Lou helps set the table, she might earn an extra quarter! At the end of the month (one month from whenever we officially get started), each of us gets to keep whatever money is in our own jar! I'm excited about this, and going to try to convince the hubby to pool our funds to save toward that new TV he really wants!
I hope that all made sense. It makes sense in my mind, anyway!
What do you do as incentive to keep behavior in check in your family? Do you have posted "rules?" Do the grown-ups have to follow the "house rules" at your house, or just the kids?
